If The Simpsons: Hit & Run Were To Be Re-Released, But By Activision/Electronic Arts

Posted in SHAR General
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Yes, I know that the chances of this happening are lower than Donut Mod 4 being released soon, but this was created as a joke post anyway, to poke fun with a few ideas.

Say SHaR was remade and re-released, which is very unlikely, but by a good publisher/developer, things could go well.

However, what if this re-release were handled by Electronic Arts and/or Activision? Here are a few ideas that I thought of. I do not endorse any of these ideas. These are just simple jokes that I made, and if this were to actually happen I'd be outraged.

  • Instead of being unlocked through collecting Collector Cards, charge money for the (online, but with terrible servers) multiplayer Bonus Game tracks. If they want to play them with the track reversed, charge extra!
  • Trim the story down, remove a chunk of missions, and change the remaining missions to watered-down variants. Remove Level 7. Homer and Bart get to the Duff Brewery before the aliens. The end. Roll credits.
  • On-disc downloadable content (DLC), and lots of it. Any cars with above somewhat decent statistics,and all costumes are locked until you pay. 300 in-game Coins translated to a penny of realistic currency. Pay up if you want Wasp Cameras to have no shield and not move. Make the DLC over-priced so that to actually 100% complete the game would require over days worth of coin grinding.
  • Add a loot box system for Collector Cards, etc.
Dunno why I'm writing down these stupid ideas, but, here they are anyways
  1. Upon collecting coins, you only collect 0.1 of an actual coin. You can visit the special donation page via huge and shiny "DONATE" button in the pause screen, that takes 50% of the said pause screen. Coins are available in:
    • A coin (Literally a single coin) only for 0.99$!
    • A wasp full of coins (5 coins) for 2.99$!
    • A box of coins (10 coins) for 5.99$!
    • A vending machine (50 coins) for 10.99$!
    • Cola Coin Truck (100 coins) for 20.99$!
    • C-Spanker full of coins (500 coins) for 35.99$!
    • UFO full of coins (1000 coins) for 45.90$!
  2. When the level ends, you have to pay up to unlock the next one. 10 coins for the second one, 20 for the third, and so on. L7 remains a DLC
  3. Certain missions will have way more arcade elements, such as: "Buy the stupid bus for 300 coins, race around observatory on foot 10 times within 30 seconds and only then you can begin destroying chase sedans, but you will still have to buy a new car each time the sedan's destroyed"
  4. The L7 DLC will be called "The Auto-Topsy Update", and will only have said missions. Yep, and you will have to buy a new vehicle each mission. You will also need to visit first levels to buy vehicles from there
  5. There will also be L8 and L9, but they're also DLCs and even after buying the respective DLCs, you will still have to complete the game 100%
  6. L8 is just a pack of "Cut and unused missions", that weren't actually cut at any point and were specially designed for this pack
  7. L9 just wants you to collect as many 0.1 coins as possible, beating this level rewards you with a black cutscene, that was apparently unfinished but not cut
  • The actual game disc only contains the scrooby2 folder, ported over to the re-release with all of it's assets still unused! Huge update as soon as you insert the disc.
  • There is modding support, but there's a huge submission process. If you're mod is a joke mod, then we won't allow it.
  • Forget about Donut Team. Who needs them? It's not as if it's a growing community.
  • If you pick up a collector card you cant see it unless you pay £2.99 to view it.
  • bonus missions are dlc
$5.99 for more levels
  • You get advertisments all over your screen unless you pay £3.99
  • You have to sign in to EA
  • It would look like a NDS game
  • There would be an update every month
  • It would cost £59.99
  • It would of course, have a crappy game engine.
Run it on the FIFA '19 engine.
In my opinion a re-release would simply be the original game with fixes similar to the ones in the mod launcher. Simply put it there realistically is no way to monetize this game with microtransactions for a couple reasons. 1. The game is way too linear to even make that kind of system fit "nicely." 2. That would require new content to be made. I really don't think that ANY publisher would remotely try to incorporate that kind of system because it would seem forced regardless.
Thomas Donofri:

I understand and know that, Hipporeno. Like I stated in my original post, this is just a joke.
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